I grew up going to church, singing in the choir, attending youth groups, and going to summer camps.  Even being involved in the church, I still knew very little about God. My relationship with Christ was pretty superficial. I prayed for things that I wanted and would pray the “help me” prayer often, especially if I was challenged with something. Going through anything difficult meant to me that I was doing something that God did not approve of.

The realization that I had placed God in a box, calling on Him only when necessary, was very apparent the day that I found out my beloved husband would be serving on the front lines in Afghanistan. He was leaving me and my two young children for an 18-month stint. I did not know if he would return to our family and, if he came home, what mental shape would he would be in.

In my extreme fear to press forward with my new lifestyle, I let God out of the box and started searching for answers. There was an extensive period that I was pretty angry with God for allowing our family to be disrupted by terrorists and war.  I didn’t quite understand why God wouldn’t just take out the bad guys so my sweet husband wouldn’t have to go into harm’s way. In the midst of my confusion, I did know that God would look after me and the children during the deployment.

Once Michael landed in Afghanistan he was immediately put on the battlefield. I lived my days carrying a cell phone waiting for his call. A call from him meant he was still alive. My prayer life with God was several times a day and I was reading the Bible religiously. My church family embraced me and my two children. I was a part of a small Bible study group that gave me lots of support. It was especially nice for me having the support of my church and friends since we were not on a military base nor did I have any military friends.

I was taught that God can do anything. There were many examples that God could perform miracles in the Bible. He let men walk on water to escape death, provided food for 4,000 people with only seven loaves of bread and a few small fish, healed many sick people, and died so I could live in eternity.

Since God had revealed himself to be very capable I asked for Him to protect Michael and keep him safe. I also asked God to show me some kind of sign so that I would trust him with my life.

I will never forget the morning that Michael called me to let me know that he had been wounded. My heart was broken. First, because there was nothing I could do to comfort him, he was in a tent on the other side of the world having surgery. Second because I had asked God to protect Michael and He didn’t. That day I remember rocking my son, feeding him a bottle and realizing that there was something that I could do for my husband. I could get my church family to pray with me for him and that gave me comfort. 

Twenty six hours later, Michael called to tell me that he was OK and that he knew I was praying for him the day he was wounded. A Canadian soldier did not survive and the man fighting next to him was severely injured. Michael told me he was convinced that God had protected him.

When Michael returned to the front lines after his wounds were healed, overwhelming anxieties increased for me. I started to pray daily for God to reveal Himself to me and to take the anger out of my heart. My pastor gave me great advice to live one day at a time. Taking each day as a gift, recognizing all the many blessings I had in my life, started to ease my anxiety. God placed many people in my life to give me comfort.

Towards the end of Michael’s deployment the toll of being a single working mom was catching up with me. I was growing weary. In a worship service, I confessed to God in a prayer how much I needed him. How I was not able to continue the last few months of this deployment. How I felt my parenting skills, as a single mom, were awful and that I needed help. Instantaneously, during my prayer, a voice started to tell me that “I am here.” I felt a very comforting embrace around my arms and the voice continued with “I have never left your side and you can do this.”

At first I couldn’t really believe what that voice was or who that voice was.  I asked my friend sitting next to me if she experienced similar circumstances.  To my delight, she said no.

Looking back at the last few years, I see how God was with me each day and continues to be with me.

- Marnie Waldrop, Orlando, Fla.